Monday

March 1, 2010 at 1:47 pm (Uncategorized)

Dear Mom,

Today is Monday.  I normally would call you on the way to work to see how you were doing.  I would usually end up waking you up.

I did this weekend what I was always mad at you for doing.  I laid in bed.  I slept off and on.  I ignored the world, well except for Chippy and Daisy.  You never got to meet Daisy.  She is Emma’s birthday present.  Biggest pain in the ass cat ever, but cute as hell.  Anyway…I finally drug myself out of bed and went to the store.  Then came right back home.

I thought of you as I laid in bed and ignored the world.  I wondered if anyone was mad at me like I always got mad at you.  I didn’t care though.  Your death has taken a toll on me and I have lost myself.  Im no longer happy.  I am no longer fun.  I don’t care about a lot things.  The kids are really the only reason I get up these days.

I have gone to the doctor.  Of course she put me on anti-depressants, because yeah, I’m depressed.  But Im also mad and unhappy.  And I blame you.

I don’t want to blame you.

I miss you.

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