February 26, 2010 at 6:20 pm (Uncategorized)

Dear Mom,

Today is your birthday.  Well it would have been.  We would have had cake to celebrate your birthday, my birthday and Emma’s birthday.  We would have had a cake that we made.  Rudy and Shelda would have been there.

Instead you aren’t here.  You have actually “been” there for the past year or so, but this time, you are gone.  You took your life.  You took your life away from me.  Away from your grandchildren.  Away from your sisters and brothers.  Away from your son.  Away from everyone.

I have a lot of anger, sadness, happiness that you are no longer in pain, but most of all I miss you.  I miss being able to call you about stupid things on my way back to work.  I miss being able to call you to bitch about dad or bitch about Rudy, really to bitch about anything.

You are the first person that I think of when I want to call someone about exciting news.  The first person I want to call when I’m sad.  The first person I want to call when there is something the kids did because I know you would want to hear it.

But you are gone.

My status on facebook is this:

Mom, we miss you so very much, each and every day.You were the center of our lives, it’s just so hard for us to believe that you are really gone. But today we celebrate the life you lived and all the things you gave us; our wonderful memories. Please think of us, as we think of you with hearts so full of love; we’re looking up at you, sweet Mom, as you look at us from above. Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.

The kids and I wrote on balloons this morning and sent them in the air.  I hope you got them.

I love you.  And Happy Birthday.


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